Power in the Name of Jesus

Will you go? Will you leave your family and go? I wrestled all week with why God called me to Haiti this week. On Monday, particularly, I kept feeling that the ministry I would have been doing in Charlotte would have mattered more and I would have been more needed. God does not need me to accomplish one thing. There is not one thing that I can do that advances His kingdom apart from His will carried out through my willingness to just go. Humbling, yet deepening. Every day of my life I want to know Jesus further and deeper. I want to understand His purpose in my life and I want to see His power. This week I have seen His power and I have been forced to understand that it is HIM who stands in control. As someone who has served in full time ministry for close to 15 years, sometimes He has to bring us to a third world, developing country to REALLY get the memo that it is JESUS who does the work, not us. Sad, but very true and honest. So, this week He has done a work. It has not looked for a minute how we anticipated it would. As we prayed for many months in preparation, God created a different scene for our time in Haiti that differed dramatically from what we envisioned while on our knees. But, God. But, God is more powerful and more beautiful than we even understood 6 days ago when we stepped foot in this land called Haiti. Here is one of the glimpses into what HIS plans were for us during our time in this place, what He had planned for us to do, what HE accomplished with (or without) us simply because we were willing to go.

Praying with and over a patriarchal voodoo priest in one of the most desperate, darkest villages of Haiti.

 I still believe that God is in the process of claiming this man for Himself. There was a sweet light that was felt in this mature, aging man that also met a very dark, hardened heart hungry for power and money. God just needed us to show up, to demonstrate through our time that Jesus sees him, and speak words of life and God's power into him. As sad as it sounds, God showed me how this man and I are similar. This man who is very far from God believes that it is HIS power that can heal diseases and his magic that can change situations. Through this trip, similarly, I realized that I believe sometimes that God needs ME, that He needs me to be there to help bring healing to others or make His name great. While I want to make Jesus's name great and I want others to experience His power, the deal is that He doesn't need ME. Just like the Haitians don't need the voodoo priest. This man and I were both believing the lie that God is not enough and we offer something more than what He is capable of apart from us. I am not insinuating that we use the same methods (no voodoo for me, obviously!) but the same dependence on self. Believing the false idea that maybe my counseling training or the hardship that we have walked could offer something to help change lives. Prideful and without full faith. Forgive me, Father, for ever believing that I have anything to offer outside of you. You are enough. You hold the power. You change lives. You want me to show up, but you don't need me.

So, this trip that I envisioned for all these months, that I believed would be about loving on women in brothels who are being sex trafficked - believing that God would change those women's hearts through something that I said or did...this trip wasn't about bringing those women closer to Jesus. We never even saw those women or stepped foot into a brothel. This trip was about God changing ME. This trip was about God showing me that He wants my obedience and He wants me to show up. But, His power alone is great and I have absolutely NOTHING, even after years of ministry experience and even if I love until I am completely poured out, that He alone cannot provide. I am nothing. He is everything.

I have felt challenged this week on whether I truly believe that God can change anything by His power. If I am being honest, I still struggle in moments with the reality that we prayed and believed in great faith for a son and God said no. I didn't believe that He wasn't able to provide but simply understood that He said no. In that same way however, was I believing that my prayers could change God? It is not our prayers that change God, our prayers change us. Coming to Haiti and being here forces you to pray big prayers. I am still processing how those prayers and that strong belief of what God is capable of can bring about His power. He wants us simply to believe. Then, the results require faith. What His will brings about is the question of "Do you really trust me?" and "Do you get that I know better?". Pray with great faith and believe with a huge hope, but leave the final outcome to me (Jesus). We were challenged by my sweet friend, Gentry, in a sermon after suffering the tragic loss of two sons to remember that "it's not over until it's good because God is good." Yes, it's not over with this voodoo priest until his life offers no hope (or magic) apart from the changing grace of Jesus. I believe that for this man. Those prayers will change MY heart and I stand believing that GOD'S power will change HIM. Scripture gives us several truths attached to this reality -

His ways are higher than our ways.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.

Commit all of your works to the Lord.

When you seek me, you will find me - when you seek me with your whole heart.

Have no other gods before me.

Test me and know me.

So, I have now answered the question of why He called me here. I am thankful that I made the decision to be obedient. I have asked forgiveness for my selfish, prideful, critical heart. And, I am changed. I have experienced and now understand just how HUGE the Father's power is. It is all Jesus, whether I show up or not.

To Him be all glory and POWER forever.

Thank you, Haiti, for giving me more of Jesus.

-Rebecca (and the rest of the team)